It’s another segment of confession time. There are several new readers to this site and I want to say “Welcome!” So, for your reading pleasure, here are some confessions of a mad pianist – just so you get to know me and my eccentricities a little better.
- I hate walking outside after dark. I always have. You could say that I am afraid of being attacked by someone or something. I think it goes back to my watching “Unsolved Mysteries” as a young child. This fear also extends into going into any basement when I am alone – regardless of the time of day. I think I mostly blame my brother for this one. He would tell me all sorts of stories about things coming to get me. For example, he once told me that if I jumped too high on the trampoline that the aliens would be able to see me and come take me away. He would also join me in watching “Unsolved Mysteries” and then concoct ways to scare me out of my skin. Such a wonderful brother, right? No, really- he was and is pretty great.
- I organize my books (mainly my books and other stuff as well) by height. I then further break it down alphabetically by author’s last name if there are several books at the same height. I also have organized all my movies alphabetically and the TV on DVD is separate. All my music is organized alphabetically by name of band and further by name of album. Maybe it’s a little OCD but it makes me feel better.
- I become really obsessed with things at times. Meaning that once I find something that really strikes me, I tend to focus on that and only that for quite some time. The subject matter rarely matters because it shifts every few months. I have spent time focused on the Kennedy’s, piano technique, certain TV shows, authors, etc.
- I get really paranoid when I’m driving my car and all of a sudden some vehicle suddenly appears behind me and follows me for quite some time. I always feel like they are deliberately following me and are, once again, going to attack me. Can I blame the crime and conspiracy shows that I sometimes like to watch?
- I actually enjoy pain. I know that sounds bad but it’s pretty true. Not all pain, of course. I hate headaches and pain when I’m sick. However, I get really excited if I wake up sore in the mornings. I love bruises – not only are they like battle wounds but it’s pleasantly hurtful when you accidentally touch them. I think pain is a wonderful way to remember that you are alive. It’s like justifying life.
- I really, really, really hate overhead lighting. It’s almost intrusive. I love a room lit just by lamplight and candles. I remember always laughing at the clarinet professor during my undergrad years because of his not using the overhead lighting but I totally get it now. It just really bugs me when something is too bright. Call me whatever you will, but soft lighting will always be the way to go. I can never have too many lamps.
- I love to travel – to see the way that people all over live. I don’t even mind traveling alone. On my bucket list is a plethora of places I want to see. One of my goals is to set foot on each of the seven continents before I die.
- I tend to over think everything. I believe that there is a definite reason for everything and I am continuously racking my brain in order to try and figure things out. I also tend to doubt myself and my decisions pretty much all the time. It’s a constant source of stress for me wondering whether I’m really doing the things that I’m meant to do.
- I have a really hard time paying attention a lot of the time. When I had to attend class, I would drift off and not really hear some of what was said. If you are ever talking to me and wondering if I’m ever paying attention, I’m probably not. I tune out and respond to people with “mmmhmmm” and a head nod so they think I am actually listening to them. I will now hang my head in shame.
- I always felt that I was really misplaced in my life. I love Idaho and country-living but I never really felt like I belonged. Idaho will always be home for me, at least in my heart but I don’t know that I will make my entire life here. I enjoyed living in Oklahoma as well but it wasn’t necessarily “home” either. One day I will find the place I feel I belong and all will be well in my world. This I do believe.
- I’m not antisocial. I have a hard time putting myself out there because of many things. I fear that I will be left alone and/or will be the odd person out. I suppose I leave myself out on purpose to make the rejection of myself my own fault. I want to be more involved and perhaps I can work on that but give me some time.
- I love thunderstorms and just rain in general. While I lived in Oklahoma, it was like weather heaven for me. I loved how the thunder would shake the whole house. After I came back to Idaho, I would really anticipate the thunderstorms and then be sorely disappointed. Lightning and thunder are wonderful. Sigh.
- One of the happiest places for me to be is wrapped up in a blanket under a lamp reading a book. I have a lot of books on my “to-read” list. I will never run out of adventures and worlds to temporarily inhabit.
- I truly do think that my family is filled with a bunch of freaks but I wouldn’t trade them for the sake of normality. We are all blessedly different but somehow seem to get along most of the time.
- I really miss my “what the bleep down the rabbit hole” days with Lisa and Andrea. You will be introduced to these characters soon – maybe next week. They really taught me to live the day that I am given and to embrace whatever life has in store. I never thought that my friends could be my family until I met these wonderful gals.
- I have discovered that I have more patience than I ever thought I had. Granted, there are days when I have very little but it’s more than maybe could be present. Today, for instance, I really wanted to snap at some of the old people I work with. Everyone was having a bad day and was grumpy (me included). I swear, if one more person asks me for a napkin while I am handing out the percussion instruments I am seriously going to snap! All is well. I still have a job.
- I think if given the right opportunities and the right contacts, I could do something amazing with my life. I am still not sure what that something amazing would look like but I know it is there. Perhaps this here is just the first step in a series of adventures that will follow. I really, really hope so.
- As a child, I always thought that I would die tragically as a teenager. Now, I have the fear that I will die young but it will be murder. This used to not terrify me as much as it does now. The older I get the more concerned I am for the associations I make for this very reason.
- I like playing scales and arpeggios. GASP. I never thought I would admit to that one but there it is. The more I practice and work at my scales, the better I play in general. Now, who wouldn’t like to play scales if the results are out of this world FANTASTIC? Go play your scales.
- I am in a box musically. I am trying to break out of this box but it is so incredibly hard. I love Bach, Beethoven, Liszt, Chopin, Schumann, Bartok, etc. but I absolutely hate Joplin and most ragtime. My mother is probably shaking her head by now. She would love nothing more than for me to play a whole program of ragtime. I struggle with the will and desire to even learn one piece. So, I am going to work at working at this. All in good time.
So, there are a few of my confessions. Why don’t you send me a couple of yours? What is it about yourself that you really wish you didn’t know? The funnier the better. Go for it. You know you want to send them to me.
Don’t forget to send me your questions and comments. The more questions you have to ask, the better. I promise to get to them all and then answers just might surprise you. You want to know why the Mad Pianist thinks the sky is blue, why political parties cannot seem to get along, or why your pedaling foot hurts? Use the contact me form and send in whatever you want to send in!
Peace and love (and a few good confessions),
The Mad Pianist