All day long, as I’ve gone about my various to-dos, I’ve debated about what to write. What can I honestly share on a Tuesday? I am not a big joker or prankster so April Fools reveals are not going to be my style. I could expound on some piece of music or musical scholarship, in more general terms. I just have no clue – none of that sounds particularly exciting to me today. So, I guess I shall just dive in and tell you what is really on my mind. This is a true “rambling of a mad pianist.” You have been warned.
“When you’re young, you always feel that life hasn’t yet begun—that “life” is always scheduled to begin next week, next month, next year, after the holidays—whenever. But then suddenly you’re old and the scheduled life didn’t arrive. You find yourself asking, ‘Well then, exactly what was it I was having—that interlude—the scrambly madness—all that time I had before?” – Douglas Coupland, Life After God
This morning I had to sit through the longest training. I was supposed to sit through it a couple of weeks ago but I had a conflict. Dang it. It seriously was so long and in order to pretend like I was paying attention, or trying to pay attention, I doodled. Yes, I may be in my 30s but I sometimes have the attention of a 6-year-old told to be quiet and pay attention during a seminar on post-modern poetry or metaphysics.
Yesterday’s post talked about my friends from my growing-up years. Today, I was faced with the idea of dementia and being treated as if I were, once again, three or four-years-old. The circle of life is a real, living, breathing thing. So, when do I get to say or shout that this is my life. I want to live my life now! I don’t want to be told that I will be happier and better off once I marry, have kids, own my home, or am completely debt-free. Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that I have every right to be happy? When is it okay for me to say that even though I have none of the things I listed, that my life is okay – it is better than okay?
I read a quote from Sylvia Plath once that had a statement to the effect that this life is not built in cookie-cutter shapes. My life is never going to be like my best friend from grade school. She was married at 22 and now has 3 beautiful daughters. I think of having my own kids and it gives me a mild panic attack. I’m too young, I say, I’m not ready. That is okay. I am no less of a decent human being for not being ready for that type of commitment and responsibility in my life right now. I am me and have different priorities and that is more than okay.
So, today I want you to do something for me. Well, technically this will be for you – you should really do this for you. Make the choice to be happy and content with the life that you have chosen. You have chosen your life through those little decisions every day that you thought never made a difference. Make it your goal be be okay with who you are, where you are, what you have, and what you lack. If there is something you want to change, then change. Stop waiting for your life to find you or for one or two events to happen before you can be truly happy and content. Life is short, be happy now.
Peace and love,